People are appreciative of you only as long as the delta between them and yourself seems attainable.
This is the delicate balance of Social Comparison Theory: as long as the gap inspires "benign envy," they applaud.
But once the delta becomes too steep for their belief systems to agree that they can ever reach your level, that admiration curdles into "malicious envy." They stop being appreciative because your excellence no longer feels like inspiration ,it feels like an insult.
Think of it as a conversational expert. At first, the fact that they consistently come up with a brilliant comeback is impressive. But eventually, that relentless optimization pushes them into the Uncanny Valley of social interaction.
I observe a lot of trained professionals . Like over-trained air hostesses or business owners performing a script of "warmth," the absence of friction starts to feel robotic. Beyond a certain point, that optimized niceness is called out as fake.
Being genuine, therefore, requires a glitch in the matrix. It feels human to have errors it prevents the hierarchy from becoming alienating.
This is the Pratfall Effect: we trust and like competent people more when they stumble. Hence, sometimes forced mistakes are good. They are structural necessities. They stop the individual from overriding the group. They keep the "superhuman" within the realm of the collective intelligence.
Consider the KLM air hostess. She was a master of Emotional Labor, engaging in high-level deep acting. She made me laugh. She made me feel she was listening. But then I saw her replicate that exact intimacy with everyone else. It was Industrialized Empathy, and the moment I realized my experience wasn't unique, the connection shattered. I don’t like her now because the value of her attention was diluted by its ubiquity.
When intimacy is mass produced it loses its value .
This leads to the paradox of Particularism versus Universalism.
Would I have liked it if that warmth was exclusive to me? Probably.
Do you wish everyone long meaningful messages on the group ?
If I am nice to everyone, do I devalue the currency of my affection for my close ones?
If everyone gets the "VIP treatment," does the treatment lose its meaning?
Too many questions, but perhaps only one answer:
True value is found in the Wabi-Sabi of existence the acceptance that beauty is found in the incomplete and the imperfect. We are not meant to be seamless. A cracked vase is hence worth more.
The error is not a failure of the system , it is the art.
To be deeply loved, you must risk being deeply disliked.
Haters serve a crucial structural function: They define the tribe.
When someone attacks you usually because that "delta" of skill or beauty has triggered their insecurity it forces the people who love you to pick a side. Passive appreciation is not enough anymore. They must now defend you.
So, let the delta be steep. Let the envy curdle into hate for some.
The hate is just the shadow cast by the intensity of the light you are projecting.
You cannot have one without the other.
Be Imperfectly Perfect .
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