Sunday, July 10, 2011

Love De-coded

[In the following passage, by LOVE I mean the emotion of affection and attachment shared by a couple. i.e. a man and a woman. This has got nothing to do with world love...and kindness and compassion towards an animal, plant or a needy person]

We all have various definitions of what love is and what love means to us. Google love quotes and you shall get all what great people have said about love.For most of us  it is a sum of all what you have perceived under the Label /Idea 'Love'...Experiences that are yours(visual or physical) or someone else's (word of mouth, visual or may be heard sounds next door).

Movies,music and novels have a big role to play in how we perceive love.

For some ,"this...yea this...what Gerard Butler does for Hillary Swank is love... (Movie PS I love you) "

Some feel "THIS....what happened between Salman Khan and Bhumika Chawla in Tere Naam is love"... (kya pickhar banaila hai Bantai )

Some feel whatever Shahrukh Khan does for Aishwariya rai in Mohabbatien or for Kajol in DDLJ is love...and we live all our lives hoping for fairy tales to happen to make us believe what’s happening is love. .kya yehi pyaar hai....??

"Most of us get or don’t get love because of how we define love...change your definitions and you might be having it all around you, or may be not "
Ram Santosh

The way I see it is...the word love is highly over rated...just like the words Commitment, Leadership and Talent What we think is love in the air or love at first sight is actually a very formulated match the column kind of scenario where everything fits in perfectly. I really feel love has got a flowchart to it. A pattern that it usually takes and makes u believe in the end that you are in love. I often hear people telling me (in order to sound good in that moment) that I fell in love looking at his character or her eyes and nothing else. Which I feel is to some extent wrong because the human brain analyzes in more than one attribute.

What you feel like 'Love' is actually the fulfillment of Four Criterion  

1. Physical attributes (Physical aspects of the partner. includes eyes,smile,style  ...guys here’s the stats part. .Girls I know there are some of you who are like "character is more important" hell yeah it does the idea of  marrying an nice ugly guy sound?)

2. Emotional support (yeah guys need it too....)This has to be the biggest criteria that has to fit in for love to work out.If you can't give it...there are others waiting to do show that they can ;) 

3. Social support (how your partner presents in public ...specially in front of family and FRIENDS ).How your friends/family perceive your partner is the cause of most hook ups and break ups.

4. Innovation (you can’t buy him a t-shirt on all important days and you can’t get away with the same old chocolate cake and roses on all occasions )This criteria is applicable only when the partners have spend some time enough to call it an affair.

Without even one of the above parameters ,the emotion ' Love 'cannot be sustained for long.Most of break ups or fall outs happen because of lack of either of the above mentioned criteria by one of the partners or both of them.

Love in a way is a very selfish act by the human brain. For we only fall what WE consider is good.

When u like a man/woman what you actually do is connect their attributes to your mental image of your requirements and if the person fits in them...eureka... chemicals are released within the body, you are elated and think that he/she is the one 
( e.g.: for boys  : has a nice butt, dusky/fair , nice hair,talkative” ...for girls: tall, talented,  humorous, wealthy)

It is not because the person is beautiful that you love him/her but it is because they fit in your...Yes YOUR definition of beauty...
How the person objectively is, is never seen.

We crib when they don't love us back(simply put ,when disagreements happen). But aren't you forgetting??...the person was YOUR choice....and slowly with time...YOUR mind starts making newer attributes and criteria for the partner to fit in and when that does not happen....boom bang...fight!

And then you might hear things like "I really miss the person I fell in love with you have changed so much"

Love is a weird thing to fall into ...but I agree its all worth the pain and pleasure.The above are my observations and I need not be right ;)
If there are any new realizations that u found and cannot be classified under any of the above four do let me know

PS: The above ramblings are just my perceptions on can still hold back your fairy tales.


  1. Hi Ram .This post really suits ur title"ram's realisations':)good discoveries,LOVED THE 4 PARAMETERS.Actually the first 3 i totally agree,the last one innovation could be true,but you have to agree that as time flies the "used to"factor predominates and change tends to become inevitable and so there is nothing wrong in the gals cribbing"you are not the person I had loved!basically I feel there is a false personification (or rather goody goody types image )from both female and male in"love",during the bloomoing stage and then the true persona appears as time flies and that's when this common dialogue appears.anyways ,loved the article a lot.

  2. Nice....just had a clear n lenthy version of wat u once told me while chatting(dissection of Edward Cullen 2 b precise:P)...ya..ur observations r accurate (no wonder)n do apply generally as ppl do fit 2 ur thoughts.....But, (just my opinion,also need nt be true)wat happens wen a person falls 4 a crush fully knowing d consequence dat he is gona get hurt...i mean just a case(reality),whr 4 xample a simple,careful gal has a passionate crush on one of (simply put)casenova guy...both hav opposite worlds n hes simply out of her league as no return feelings can b expected..not as strong as d luv a couple feels,but it stil exists as a mere echo ,reminding d gal of her most secret feelings in present and maybe a topic of interest in future..luv can b selfless only wen pain is accepted wid it as a package deal...ya..d human chemical thesis is well put n truest in a sense..however,d fact exists dat wen u r missing sum1 terribly,d feeling of elation on just receiving a simple SMS frm thm can relieve u beyond any painkiller even a dentist can provide .Luv is a type of addiction dat wont be legalised ever as it cums wid no guarantee....True feelings 4 a person tend 2 cease as tym passes n d demands of a relationship merely strains us.....right now,wat i thnk is-Enjoy d Freedom of Being Single n hav Multiple Crushes than 2 fall in Luv n Surrender.....if Fate has sum plans,thn v shud nt b in Hurry!!!
    P.S:as I pointed out Earlier,ur blog is a must visit atleast once in 3 KEEP WRITING!:)

  3. I dont have any words to describe u or this blog!! :)

  4. An induced state of delirium and rapture lasting only as long as the body/brain takes to get used to the effusions of Dopamine and (God forbid!) Oxcytocin: is how biochemistry defines "IT". A rudimentary tactic of the evolutionary process to keep the gene pool healthy, it won't last for more than 15 (9+6) months. That's what the geeks say. Status Quo..

  5. :)

    The post is really good could have eaten some space on 'contentment' to a certain does affect the love thing u know :D
    Then again, my views, my 'ramblings' ;)
    Splendid stuff mate.

  6. nice thoughts...

    love to me is being yourself (with all your imperfections) with the person you love...


  7. Wow! Very nice, thoughtful, yet absolutely simple and factual.

  8. no wonder how much I read, discuss or observe...
    I can never understand what love is..
    A confused soul - is what would use to describe myself


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